Tag: poor self-esteem

TNT 001

I should…

I should be…

I must…

I must be…

Others have already done…

I should have…

We use such statements every day. We might not speak them, but they are our constant background companions.

They fill us with dread, feeling of great responsibility we cannot satisfy.

So:

Whenever you notice one of such statements use different language.

My goal is to…

My goal is to be…

My goal is to acchieve … what [that specific other] has acchieved.

I can do…

This frees you from overwhelm and you can focus on one step at a time. Be as specific as you can and avoid absolutes like: always, never, everybody, each time…

The job offer, part 2: defence mechanisms

The time of choosing the safe vs. the right-for-me came.
My first employment in the new not-even-started-yet business was my ole friends, the brothers Defence Mechanisms (DMs).*

I think I should look into the DMs deeper and elsewhen** longer. They are a big chunk to chew off my psyche cake. But for now, suffice it to say, being forced to choose felt like I was tied in a cage and wriggling to get free.  I repressed the feelings, I intellectualise them (still), and so on. I chose something, just to get free, which is more than usual when I just postpone the decision. Or did I choose?

Just writing this, my level of anxiety rises. Repress, rinse, repeat. (Funny, I should call my DMs poison of choice the RRR procedure.) Continue reading The job offer, part 2: defence mechanisms

The job offer, part 1: emotions

I got a job offer. No. I got an offer to venture into a business. I had so many emotions when it happened, joy, fear, hope, despair, itchiness for action, reality obliviousness, yearning for learning, etc. I didn’t consult Mos then. Maybe there was no time, but I regret not writing my thoughts down when emotions were still high.

With the time’s pass, all of those emotions reverted to my normal state of void. Really quickly. (I think, way back in my youth, I was brainwashed into thinking all emotions were bad, so I tried to repress them. Now it shows.) Still, I want to sort them through. Continue reading The job offer, part 1: emotions