In bed with Anxiety

Hi there! Are you sleeping?

Mmm …

Is this yes or no? 

At first it was more of a yes but now it’s more like a no.

Oh, goody! So we can talk.

Well …

Do you know when you said you don’t think that elevator’s gonna fit into that room? I’ve had some ideas how to turn around the plan. I only don’t think it would fit into the garage if you want to leave that door wide. I need an expert’s opinion. 

My opinion is, leave it to the expert …

But these ideas bother me. 

… in the morning.

I can’t sleep. 

Me neither.

Oh, how awful, isn’t it? I’ve just tossed and turned for the last … the whole night. I worry so much. 

Maybe if you just lay still … How late is it?

Oh, not really late. One am. I couldn’t wake you before. You crashed like a baby. What are we going to do? 

I’ll try to get back to sleep.

Okay, me too. 

It’s not working. Do you have any ideas?  

Maybe, to be quiet more than a few seconds? How about to count to a hundred?

Okay, one, two, three, four, five… 

Can you do it quietly?

Sure. … … … Oh, I’ve lost my count. Do you think I can skip a few numbers or is it better to start over? I don’t want to do something wrong. Like you know, at work? When I mustn’t write anything down but then I forget the instruction and it’s wrong again.

Yes, I know all about it. It’s starting to creep on me right now.

So scary. 

But I try to put it off until tomorrow. I need sleep. It was yesterday that I didn’t sleep enough and I want to make it up today. Can’t you see?

I see. Would you please hold my hand? I fear ghosts. 

Okay. Let’s hold hands.

Can you be more still?

I try. Are you angry with me? 

No. I try to sleep and it’s hard when you move so much.

I can’t sleep if I’m not comfortable. I’m awful. How could one stop if they twitch?

Have you’ve been eating sugars?

I might have. 

Oh, drat. We might just give up sleep for today. How about coffee?

Um, I don’t remember. It might have been one in the morning. Or was it the green tea? Green tea is weaker, so I drank three cups. Did I leave the bag in for too long? I’m going crazy! Why do I keep drinking caffeine? I know I’m sensitive. 

How long do you think the effects will last? 

In my opinion? For two days.

How about you go to the kitchen and look out the window?

I might see a crime scene and what then? 

Oh, c’mon! There might be a dog and a cat fighting. It will be boring otherwise. You know what? Let’s get both up, talk a bit more, and then we might tire enough to sleep again.

There’s a good hour to be sleepy, around five am, when your alarm would soon go off. If not sooner, I’ll sleep then. One hour is infinitely better than none.

Shall we? After you.

Absent – on a work leave

My maternity leave has ended. Vacation started and has ended. Work has started. My blog has suffered a leave of absence.

I was so sure I’d be writing MOS regardless of what I do during the day. Wrong. There is a difference between being a stay at home mum and being a working mum. There are perks to each. In regard to being depressed or not, I choose work. I haven’t been as depressed because I had so much to do and little time to ponder. Of course, there’s still the same amount of work to be done on my issues. Different content, different flavours and triggers, but mostly same issues as before. More insight, less time to comb through a tangled mess of my thoughts.

I did three-quarters of my next-in-line homework but never posted. It says 9 August. It must wait.  A lot has happened since I last posted. That must take priority. I’ll give you a blurb. Anney Bird’s real-life persona got a job offer. And a lot of compliments that she’s reluctant to take. A lot of thinking due…

I missed writing. Thus the clichés, and complicated words and sentences. Grammarly caught up with my inactivity, at last. Let’s see what it says tomorrow, in my weekly report.

P.s. I still have guilt over not posting, a need to prove myself to you. I shouldn’t. I should do it for myself, and the blog should just be a media type to do so. But… it is also a good thing. My guilt forces me to write eventually unless I want my few readers to pack and flee from boredom.

Well then, not so few words I hoped to write. I need to work on my eloquence, too. All in its own time.

 

Chaos and entropy – the enemies?

Entropy is the term describing the lack of order or predictability, a gradual decline into disorder.

An hour ago I was reading the newest post from James Clear which is all about entropy and “why life always seems to get more complicated”. Clear always writes concisely (and clear:)) so I won’t do a recap, you better read it yourselves. I’ll tell you how it relates to me, though. Continue reading Chaos and entropy – the enemies?

Make my day quote

Did you again find your shoes the centre of your unfocused attention? You don’t think much is worth looking at? Too indifferent to even nod to me?

Lift your head. Well, you probably won’t.

Just will your head to stay down. You must not lift it. Whatever you do, do not lift your head. Better still, do not move your hands. Fix your eyes on your shoes. Don’t move.

Fidgety yet?

Make my day quote

30 May 2017

I wouldn’t be going to school if I already knew what they taught there. This is applicable to the school of life as well.
I am where I am, not because of my capabilities, but because of my deficiencies which I’m learning to overcome. 

 

15 May 2017

Once in a while, you have a good day.

You don’t need every day to be a good day. Just try to shift from ‘once in a while’ to ‘many times’.
For the advanced players, try to shift from ‘many times’ to ‘most times’.
Who’s the winner? 

 

13 May 2017

Freeze!
Evaluate your current posture! How do you feel?

Now. Stand taller, straighter!
Shoulders back. Stomach in. How do you feel?

See? Better, no?

Hi there,

I’m so excited to finally start a blog. It may be rough sailing from now on, but for now, enthusiasm still abounds.

I put some work on my About page so I won’t be too long here. It seemed to me I shouldn’t jump right into the therapy sessions’ posts. Here I’ll just say hello to you who might read this. I’m glad you are with me. And see you later.