For the fear of spiders – what was I doing?!

Was this a form of procrastination, or a form of desensitisation for the fear of spiders, when I read an article on deadly spiders in the middle of the night?

It wasn’t even a good quality article. Continue reading For the fear of spiders – what was I doing?!

TS 3: Dealing with a peculiar panic attack

I woke my own shrink in the middle of the night. Luckily, MOS is I.

This is just wonderful, having myself for a shrink. If I feel for a session in the middle of the night, I can do it, no resentment. Continue reading TS 3: Dealing with a peculiar panic attack

The tornado, so-called Mum

I wasn’t in too good a mood to start with.

My mother called by yesterday to check in on me and my (ill) children. It all looked it’d go for the better. She held my baby for me so I could go to the bathroom (for two days my girl was clinging to me any given second, even during sleep). She was playing with my son, we talked a little and then she declared she must go. Okay … my face fell. I was a bit clingy myself.
I fear to be alone with my children. I feel I’m not enough to keep them occupied, not caring enough to discern their needs, not motherly enough to enjoy spending time with them. I like someone to be around so they can step in if I screw up. So … Continue reading The tornado, so-called Mum

TS 2: Accused of bad parenting

Hi Mos, I need help.

Of course. What’s the matter? 

I was attacked the other day for my inadequate handling of my child. I’ll just describe what happened because I don’t know what to think of it. Continue reading TS 2: Accused of bad parenting

Aucee o’ sea

I’ve always hated holidays. They turn your hard gained routine upside-down.
A few days in a frenzy, a whole day packing, a half day travelling, three days at the seaside, stressing about the children, a half day packing and half day returning home, a week with the homeless suitcases and out-of-the-system laundry.
No blogging but so much to say.

On the way home from the seaside, the children fastened in their seats, sleeping, my husband driving. The time to relax. Aucee calling. Can one have a minute in peace?

This time, intrusive thoughts came slowly. The four of us on a boat, nice and cosy on the sea. Then crash, we are in the water. My husband takes our son, I take our daughter on our backs. So far so good. Then, because it looked as though we would safely and calmly reach the shore, I needed to turn on my back so my daughter would be under water. Was the journey too uneventful or what?

I associate this OCD appearance with the heightened level of stress over the last days, the lack of control over everything, and a drop in stressors too of a sudden. This is my hypothesis. I need to experience a few more similar instances to be sure.

I’m not in the mood for a thorough analysis.