The job offer, part 1: emotions

I got a job offer. No. I got an offer to venture into a business. I had so many emotions when it happened, joy, fear, hope, despair, itchiness for action, reality obliviousness, yearning for learning, etc. I didn’t consult Mos then. Maybe there was no time, but I regret not writing my thoughts down when emotions were still high.

With the time’s pass, all of those emotions reverted to my normal state of void. Really quickly. (I think, way back in my youth, I was brainwashed into thinking all emotions were bad, so I tried to repress them. Now it shows.) Still, I want to sort them through. Continue reading The job offer, part 1: emotions

Absent – on a work leave

My maternity leave has ended. Vacation started and has ended. Work has started. My blog has suffered a leave of absence.

I was so sure I’d be writing MOS regardless of what I do during the day. Wrong. There is a difference between being a stay at home mum and being a working mum. There are perks to each. In regard to being depressed or not, I choose work. I haven’t been as depressed because I had so much to do and little time to ponder. Of course, there’s still the same amount of work to be done on my issues. Different content, different flavours and triggers, but mostly same issues as before. More insight, less time to comb through a tangled mess of my thoughts.

I did three-quarters of my next-in-line homework but never posted. It says 9 August. It must wait.  A lot has happened since I last posted. That must take priority. I’ll give you a blurb. Anney Bird’s real-life persona got a job offer. And a lot of compliments that she’s reluctant to take. A lot of thinking due…

I missed writing. Thus the clichés, and complicated words and sentences. Grammarly caught up with my inactivity, at last. Let’s see what it says tomorrow, in my weekly report.

P.s. I still have guilt over not posting, a need to prove myself to you. I shouldn’t. I should do it for myself, and the blog should just be a media type to do so. But… it is also a good thing. My guilt forces me to write eventually unless I want my few readers to pack and flee from boredom.

Well then, not so few words I hoped to write. I need to work on my eloquence, too. All in its own time.

 

For the fear of spiders – what was I doing?!

Was this a form of procrastination, or a form of desensitisation for the fear of spiders, when I read an article on deadly spiders in the middle of the night?

It wasn’t even a good quality article. Continue reading For the fear of spiders – what was I doing?!

TS 3: Dealing with a peculiar panic attack

I woke my own shrink in the middle of the night. Luckily, MOS is I.

This is just wonderful, having myself for a shrink. If I feel for a session in the middle of the night, I can do it, no resentment. Continue reading TS 3: Dealing with a peculiar panic attack

The tornado, so-called Mum

I wasn’t in too good a mood to start with.

My mother called by yesterday to check in on me and my (ill) children. It all looked it’d go for the better. She held my baby for me so I could go to the bathroom (for two days my girl was clinging to me any given second, even during sleep). She was playing with my son, we talked a little and then she declared she must go. Okay … my face fell. I was a bit clingy myself.
I fear to be alone with my children. I feel I’m not enough to keep them occupied, not caring enough to discern their needs, not motherly enough to enjoy spending time with them. I like someone to be around so they can step in if I screw up. So … Continue reading The tornado, so-called Mum