I can manage my arachnophobia just fine. Providing the spiders act in a predictable manner. No sudden movements, et al. Continue reading For the fear of spiders – what was it doing?
One of many to come. I should celebrate a victory, however small. Continue reading My first success
Entropy is the term describing the lack of order or predictability, a gradual decline into disorder.
An hour ago I was reading the newest post from James Clear which is all about entropy and “why life always seems to get more complicated”. Clear always writes concisely (and clear:)) so I won’t do a recap, you better read it yourselves. I’ll tell you how it relates to me, though. Continue reading Chaos and entropy – the enemies?
Who’s Aucee? Read my Player’s introduction first.
Just noting an instance of my OCD.*
The ‘Inhalt’**, content:
I am on a bike, probably without the brakes, speeding down the hill toward an abyss. Add a child. No, why not adding two, for the situation to be even more complicated.
How to stop? Turn over to crash on the slope rather than in the pit? And my little ones get all scratched? How about getting them both in my hands first and then jumping off? Why would it be thus easy? At least one child is fastened to the bike.
Err. Time’s up, game over, you are over the precipice.
Repetition no. 2. I’m too late for one child (the fastened one). Err. Time’s up, game over.
I stopped then. I started to think of something else. Aucee and me, back home from the sunny day.
My son has fallen off a bike 2 days ago. Got a nice little hole in his forehead (otherwise ok).
I got the obsession after a tiresome (but otherwise usual) episode of an afternoon putting children to bed.
(You know – starting with being friends, looking good – not looking good, urging – “I need to go to the bathroom” – “ok, hurry” – “I want to be with you” – “I’ll come to you when your sister falls to sleep” – “I don’t want to sleep” – “I know but you need to” – losing my temper – “If you don’t go to sleep in five minutes, and I’ll come to check, you’ll have to sleep the whole day!” – finally, somehow, not of my power, they fell asleep.)
*I might go into OCD analysis like I do dream analysis. It occurred to me they’re similar. This is why I disclose circumstances. Let’s see if there’s a pattern.
**I don’t know why I retrieve some words in German, rather than in English, which is my first foreign language. German is my second, although I wasn’t too good at it. The content, der Inhalt is one of these words. Just an oddity, another note.
An edit. Rather an add-on:
Later in the day, I was preparing baby pap (a bought veggie pap plus some baby pasta) and I was thinking of what else can I get in the pot. My baby daughter doesn’t like much besides my milk, so it’s a stressful event to think of new things she might try.
A thought intruded into my contemplation; I could put some tomato sauce that was way over its expiration date. What!! No!
This thought was brief but impactful. I detected resentment toward my children that take so much of my time (I’m selfish and want to have a lot of ‘myself time’). Also, I thought it might be because I feel incompetent as a mother.
Analysis due some other day.
Did you again find your shoes the centre of your unfocused attention? You don’t think much is worth looking at? Too indifferent to even nod to me?
Lift your head. Well, you probably won’t.
Just will your head to stay down. You must not lift it. Whatever you do, do not lift your head. Better still, do not move your hands. Fix your eyes on your shoes. Don’t move.
The way I see it, you don’t cure depression, you manage it.
Take Dee as a project to work on and hire a psychotherapist for a manager.
30 May 2017
I wouldn’t be going to school if I already knew what they taught there. This is applicable to the school of life as well.
I am where I am, not because of my capabilities, but because of my deficiencies which I’m learning to overcome.
15 May 2017
Once in a while, you have a good day.
You don’t need every day to be a good day. Just try to shift from ‘once in a while’ to ‘many times’.
For the advanced players, try to shift from ‘many times’ to ‘most times’.
Who’s the winner?
13 May 2017
Evaluate your current posture! How do you feel?
Now. Stand taller, straighter!
Shoulders back. Stomach in. How do you feel?
See? Better, no?