TS 4: No conclusion

Hi Mos, long time no see.

Time’s relative. You shouldn’t blame yourself. You do what you can with the resources you have. Do you have any special topic to discuss? 

No. I just think I need to speak to someone. I’m again tilting toward the blue. It was okay for a while but I haven’t really solved any issues and you can’t expect Dee would just go away.

Let’s talk then. You talk, I give structure, all right? 

I haven’t done my homework. I’ve been thinking I shouldn’t link my homework and therapy sessions. As it is, I wait to do a TS until my HW is done. But then I do HW perfectionistic and procrastinate TS. I need TSs. Sometimes I need them more than homework.
And again, I want TSs to be readable, so people who might give them a try wouldn’t say it was a waste of their time.

You shouldn’t do what you think people want (they might not want it at all). You should do what’s best for you. 

— [Jack] — And you shouldn’t say should, as a therapist. 

Oh, Jack, I missed you.
I know I should do more of what I want and I need and what’s good for me, not others. But I think we are off topic.

— [Jack] — Do we have a topic? 

Officially, no. But I feel as I need to discuss something, which I don’t remember, but so far this wasn’t it.

Bytheway, why does Don sulk?

— [Jack] — Maybe you need to answer this. 

Because my husband sulks and I need to address this whole sulking thing someday? My father sulked, my husband sulks, my former boss sulked and I tiptoed around each. (fuming)

— [Jack] — Why so aggressive? Have I hit a nail? 

Among others. I just might like to argue. A lot.

— [Jack] — Hehe, I’m always here for you, baby. You can’t harm me. You can hit me with all you’ve got. I just might go sulking, too.  

Well, you might. But you’re distracting me. I’m distracting myself.
This is what you get if you don’t start with a topic. We banter (Well, Mos doesn’t, she’s the clever one), and it all reads like a bad play.

— [Jack] — You’re again doing it for the readers. 

I know. If I wasn’t so happy to be with you again I’d say go sleep again.

— [Jack] — You’re so au contraire. Full of conflicts. 

Am I… At least the play might turn out well. I hope it’s a comedy. I don’t want to be a tragic heroine.

— [Jack] — So far it’s tragic. 

— [Don] — Now Jack, leave her be. We need to do some serious work. 

Oh, Don! Thank you for coming.

— [Jack] — Don’t go all soppy. 

I miss my mom. I miss being a baby, of someone to take care of me. I’m crying, I don’t want to cry. I want to solve something.

— [Jack] — You’re either crying or– 

— [Don] — She needs to get her feelings out. She’s usually too stoic. 

I went to check the word stoic. Wow, it’s just the perfect description of me.
I’m not crying anymore.

Perhaps the crying was the right thing. I’m sensing a defence mechanism here somewhere. A defence mechanism avoids feelings. 

I’m a mess. Should I get back to the feeling I had?
I miss my mother. I want to curl up and let someone else solve my problems. It’s so difficult to do it alone. … Yes, I hear you. You’re all here for me, but let’s face it. You’re me. It’s still me alone. You’re my coping squad. I don’t want to cope all the time. I want to live most of the time and cope just occasionally.
Let’s see what you’ve got to say.

— [Jack] — Definitely a defence mechanism. Now … the readers must know you’ve done half your homework already – it’s defence mechanisms … and we know there was one present just now. I bet on Intellectualisation. They are nasty double agents, aren’t they? 

— [Don] — They help you, and they destroy you if you let them too far. I think you’re on a right path. We have helped you become aware of your feelings and defence mechanisms. Now you can fight. 

You sound like Papa Smurf.

— [Jack] — Or Yoda.  It was one feeling and one defence mechanism. 

I know guys you don’t get along, it’s your nature. Both of you are right. Too bad I haven’t got more time (or energy) to pursue the feelings and defence mechanisms. I guess my therapy for today has ended.

I feel a bit better, even if for the wrong reasons, and I need to go to work.

I hope to see you soon. One step at a time. You’ve got time. Rome wasn’t built in one day. 

I can’t argue with you, Mos. You can’t argue back.
It was a nice conversation. It wasn’t productive, but at least I got to speak with my friends.

— [Jack] — Inner voices …

All right! I can argue with you, Jack, but I won’t.

Have a nice day, y’all!

— [Don] — Tsk, tsk.